Probably Facts About Rupert Murdoch
By Bill Dixon & Danny April
- Rupert Murdoch exerted undue influence during the election for President of the “Proud Jowls of Australia” club. He retains that office to this day.
- Before Rupert Murdoch’s son was born, in order to “teach self-discipline”, he insisted that his home be “baby proofed” by installing more outlets and having room corners sharpened.
- Rupert Murdoch has always fantasized that on the day of his daughters wedding, they would walk down the aisle, hand-in-hand, to the theme song from Requiem for a Dream.
- As a child, Rupert Murdoch was unsatisfied with burning ants with a magnifying glass so instead, he would burn kangaroos with a telescope.
- Rupert Murdoch got into the news business because he felt that the rolled-up newspapers of his day took too long to kill a dog.
- From 2007-2009, after watching a NOVA special on tropical bats, Rupert Murdoch spent hundreds of hours trying to teach himself how to echolocate in the dark through mouth clicking.
- Rupert Murdoch can live-birth a pterodactyl.
- Rupert Murdoch’s relationship status on his Facebook page says “it’s complicated” with Dick Cheney.
- During a News Corps shareholders meeting in Washington, D.C., Rupert Murdoch savagely beat Glenn Beck with an empty bottle of San Pelligrino sparkling water for making eye contact with him. Murdoch said, “that doe-eyed fat boy was eye fucking me” and that he “had it coming.” Glenn Beck later apologized for provoking him.
- Rupert Murdoch once referred to the genocide in Darfur as “underrated.”
- At the New York office of News Corp., Rupert Murdoch is notorious for farting into the break room coffee machine then spending the rest of the afternoon asking how everyone is enjoying their “fart coffee.”
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